


new beginnings

by rangerhitomi



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: Bedside Hand-Holding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, M/M, Post Legion Mate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 05:26:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14763470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerhitomi/pseuds/rangerhitomi
Summary: Kai still feels guilty about Link Joker. Aichi tries his best to convince Kai that he's been forgiven.





	new beginnings

Sleep eluded Kai Toshiki.

It wasn't always this way, not exactly. Sleeping on park benches, through class, and on public transportation came easily to him. Sleep let him ignore the world around him and imagine a world of his own creation. His imagination had always been strong, even when he thought maybe he was getting too old to continue imagining the wonders of Cray.

(That was before he met Sendou Aichi. That was before the fiction of a world of creatures fighting proxy wars on behalf of imaginative schoolchildren became a reality.)

His imagination was too strong, it seemed. Every time he closed his eyes now, he saw the destruction he had wrought with his own hands, his own deck.

Though his eyes itched with exhaustion and his body craved the sensation of lying on his bed, he couldn't, partly because he was afraid to, and partly because his bed was currently occupied and he sat in an uncomfortable chair next to it.

How Aichi could slumber so peacefully after going through Link Joker, and then through the trauma of his self-imposed imprisonment, Kai couldn't guess. But he slept on his side in a set of Kai's pajamas that were too big on Aichi's small frame, face buried into Kai's pillow as he occasionally made soft noises reminiscent of Sub-Manager taking a nap on Shin's counter. Kai couldn't help but smile, just a little.

(When the moon sanctuary dissipated, they had ended up in a park. Aichi's exhaustion had overtaken him; he didn't wake up. So Ishida and Ren had helped Kai carry Aichi to Kai's nearby apartment, changed Aichi out of his terrible moon emperor clothes into some of Kai's largely unused pajamas ("I think it's neat," Ren had said of the outfit, but Kai put his foot down), and tucked him into Kai's bed. Aichi didn't stir through any of it.

"I think Kai can take over from here," Ren told Ishida with an irritatingly knowing wink, and with the promise that Kai would message them when Aichi woke up, they left.)

"Mmm." Aichi let out a soft noise and buried his face deeper into the pillow, moving his hand next to his face. There was genuine contentment Kai hadn't seen on his face since the end of the situation with Link Joker, not since (Kai now realized) Aichi had noticed that Link Joker embedded itself in his soul and resolved that he would rather live out the rest of his life isolated and forgotten than let anyone suffer at Link Joker's hands again.

Kai shifted, too, but he felt no contentment. Only guilt.

Aichi's heart was open and forgiving; he would probably forgive a rampaging grizzly bear for attacking him. And he had already forgiven Kai - instantly forgave him, in fact - but Kai... couldn't forgive himself.

Vanguard had brought them together, had strengthened their bond, had given Kai friends and hope... and Kai's inadequacy was what almost cost the world the pure soul of Sendou Aichi.

_Imagine it... I'm with you!_

Kai sighed. Straightened his fingers. Curled them back into a ball. Flexed them again. Reached for a stray strand of hair that had fallen over Aichi's nose, rustling with each breath he took. Froze. Pulled his hand back. It shook; he held it in his other, closed his eyes, and sighed again.

It might have all been a dream - the Quatre Knights, the moon sanctuary, all of it - and touching Aichi would shatter the comfortable illusion that Kai had somehow managed to bring him back.

"Kai?"

The soft word pulled Kai out of his reverie. Aichi hadn't moved, but his eyes were half open and he smiled sleepily.

"Aichi..." Kai straightened up and returned the smile. "How are you feeling?"

Aichi yawned. "Mmm... sleepy."

"You've slept all afternoon."

"A couple of weeks, really."

Kai's smile faltered. Aichi must have seen the smile falter from Kai's face because his own smile was quickly replaced with open-mouthed embarrassment.

"Oh! Don't worry, Kai, I'm sure it's just some of the after-effects of the seed leaving me... I'll be back to normal after a few days!"

The last thing Kai wanted was for Aichi to feel any kind of guilt over anything that was originally Kai's fault, so he forced a smile. "That's good. Are you hungry? I can make some dinner."

"That would be nice," Aichi said, voice meek. He shifted again on the pillow, this time to face Kai. "But, um... Kai..."

"What is it?"

Aichi's face flushed as he shifted his gaze from Kai to his hand. "Um... I know you feel like what happened was your fault..."

Kai tensed.

"...but it wasn't. I mean... what you did was the wrong thing to do, but you..." Aichi sighed with exasperation and struggled to sit. Kai grabbed him by the shoulders and helped him straighten up, all the while feeling the weight of Aichi's words. Aichi took a deep breath and continued without looking Kai in the face. "What I mean is, you gave into Link Joker because you felt like I was... out of reach... but it was just like when I surrendered to Psyqualia because I... I felt the same about you."

"Aichi-"

"Mm-mm." Aichi shook his head and finally looked straight at Kai. "You gave me Blaster Blade. You taught me Vanguard, which has brought me so much happiness and so many friends. You saved me from Psyqualia. You saved me from myself. You gave me the confidence I could never bring out in myself. Without you-"

"You don't owe me for any of that," Kai interrupted, and Aichi dropped his gaze back to his hands on his lap. "Because you did the same for me."

Uncomfortable silence fell. Aichi rubbed his fingers together and bit his lip. Kai knew that Aichi, like him, was trying to find the right thing to say, to try to put this behind them and move on. But Kai couldn't move on.

"I forgive you," Aichi finally whispered to his hands.

"I know." Kai shook his head. "You'll forgive anyone, Aichi. Anyone who has ever been your enemy has become your friend." He gave a short laugh. "Your forgiveness is free where I have no right to ask for it."

"Kai..." Aichi closed his eyes for a second before opening them, the sleepiness fully replaced with... tenderness. He reached toward Kai, trembling fingertips stopping halfway between them.

Kai's hand moved on its own until his fingertips touched Aichi's. He watched as Aichi pushed his fingers closer, closer, until they slid naturally between Kai's. Kai returned the soft pressure, heart burning as their fingers locked together first, then the palms of their hands...

Aichi moved closer, knees touching Kai's, their hands entwined between them. Aichi's hands were soft and small; Kai's were sweaty. But he couldn't care about anything in the world just then, because Aichi was here, was _real,_ as he smiled at their joined hands.

"Kai," Aichi said again, and Kai swallowed the lump in his throat. "Remember that night when we were looking at the stars?"

Kai had never forgotten. It had been as close to any kind of confession as he was ever going to get to admitting his complicated feelings for Aichi. But so many things had happened since then...

"You said... I was part of you." Aichi's face reddened again. "That before... before you met me... you didn't think that being alone was... a bad thing." His grip tightened. Kai's stomach twisted at the sight of Aichi trying to hold back tears, and he reached out with his free hand and touched Aichi's knee. Aichi sniffed, mouth twisting into a smile. "That's why I fought you, Kai. because... you had forgotten what it's like not to be alone."

He couldn't bring himself to speak. He'd hurt Aichi _again,_ had made him cry _again_ ; when would he stop causing pain to the one whose heart he most connected to?

"You may feel like you don't deserve forgiveness," Aichi said, rubbing his eyes with his free hand, "but everyone does as long as they want it in their heart. And I know... in your heart... that you want to keep doing the right thing. That makes you more than worthy of being forgiven."

Their hands finally broke apart, as though the process of linking them together had been reversed in slow-motion.

"Thank you," Kai whispered.

Aichi simply smiled and brushed the last of the wetness from his face. "Weren't you going to feed me, Kai?"

The question was so abrupt that it took Kai aback. "I-yes."

"I've never had your cooking before." Aichi's voice was filled with delight now, like he thought he was in for some kind of treat. "What are you making?"

Kai got to his feet and helped Aichi to his, holding Aichi's hand loosely to steady him. Aichi wrapped an arm around Kai's waist for support as they headed toward the kitchen. He tried to remember what he had in the pantry. "Er... beef stroganoff?"

"Ooh! What is it?"

"It's a Russian meal, made of noodles and beef and mushrooms..."

"Can I help?"

"Sit down, you can barely walk."

"Kaaaai!"

Dinner was a relaxed occasion, with Aichi devouring three helpings of the stroganoff and gushing about how good of a cook Kai was. And when it was time to take Aichi back to his house, where his mother and sister would be wondering why he was out so late (provided their memory wipes wouldn't include the two weeks Aichi was missing), Kai lent Aichi an old uniform and even let Aichi link arms with him. For support.

Emi answered the door when Kai knocked. " _There_ you are," she said, hands on her hips. "Where in the world have you-" She paused, taking in Aichi's hand wrapped around Kai's arm and their matching uniforms. A strangely suspicious look crossed her face.

"Ah... I... I passed out at Kai's place and he... um... wanted to make sure I got home okay!" Aichi grinned sheepishly and rubbed the side of his face.

Emi's suspicious expression gave way to alarm. "You _what_? Oh, Aichi, off to bed with you!"

"O-okay..." Aichi let himself be dragged away from Kai and into the house. "Thank you for-for everything, Kai, I'll see you tomorrow!" His voice grew fainter as Emi dragged him up the stairs, chastising him for not getting enough sleep or water or staying up too late playing Vanguard, completely forgetting to close the front door behind her.

Kai laughed to himself and closed the front door before heading back home.

  



End file.
